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| I realized that I get lonely, not when there's nobody around, but when there are people around who've blocked me out. I'm fine when I'm by myself, but when I'm with someone and there are things that should be said, but aren't... I need connections with people, more then what's on the surface you know? | | |
|  | Bound selfish and selflessness, a twisted combination of caring for you and out for myself. I loathe and love me, you, her, her and her. I don't want to see these things happen. Why? Jealous. Yes. Selfish. Yes. Care. Yes. I don't want to [see you] get hurt. If I'm wrong I lose, if I'm right... no one wins. Fuck this. Emotional detachment, had it, lost it. Love is dropping anchor here, I don't want to sail away. There is no fighting here anymore. The battle's moved, I carried the shadows. Can't bring all of me with these shadows growing inside of me. I want to purge them out, I want to be clean. It's Sin... I can't be whole with this hole getting deeper. Depressed. Yes. Not too bad though, at least I have control, some. Fear. That's what this all amounts to. I am so scared. Hold my hand... I'd ask but you wouldn't understand. Don't hate me, I've got it covered. Self-pity spread like jelly. I amuse myslef, I am alone. It works. |
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| The air is too thin up here,
I can't breathe and I feel sick
This place breeds my self-loathing,
contempt and depression.
There is no such thing as my decency up here,
every step I take kicks up the dust
of one more old sin.
I'll starve myself up here,
because blades don't do the trick anymore.
The air is too thin up here. I hate it here. I can't do anything right, I feel like shit all the time, I drive on roads I've driven a thousand times (and I mean that both literally and metaphorically), I can't do anything permanent like get into a relationship, I'm stir crazy and all I want to do is complain... | | |
| Do you want to know my heart?
Do you want to hear my secrets?
I'll confess them to you one by one if you'd like.
Bleed my soul with each beat of my veins.
But if you want the truth,
I have only one.
And here it is,
I'll spoil the ending.
I know what's going to happen,
I can see the future
I know exactly how I'll act
And when the curtains close
You'll see that I was right
I said all my lines and I played the game,
But there will be no one victorious.
That's my secret to you,
It all amounts to nothing,
I could fill you with an ocean of my dark sins
And deep loves,
But when it all goes black,
All that matters is your lips on mine,
My lips on your throat,
My hands on your stomach
Your fingers clawing my back...
Still, I like you and I want to act it all out
Even the end where nothing works
And a new game starts... This is piss poor poetry but there are a few lines I like so I'll see what I can do with them...
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| Without the lows, I'm not sure I'd appreciate the highs. I looked myself in the mirror just now...
...I saw myself for the first time in months.
I've been waiting for that monster to dissappear back beneath the surface,
and it has for now.
I am almost content once more. I feel like myself again,
okay in the skin I'm in.
I'm okay with where I am
geographically, and emotionally. We'll see how long this lasts. | | |
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